Suddenly I See

"Your mind's a dangerous neighborhood: don't go there alone." ~Mary Karr

People often ask me, "Did you always know you were a healer?"  The better question is, how did I go from being such a huge skeptic, to someone who believes in this so much? I used to help teach a Physics class in college where we touched on the topic of psychic phenomenon and I thought it was a bunch of crap. A waste of time, and that psychics were making stuff up based on reading the body language of the person.  It was going to take a miracle to change my mind.

In March of ’07 my life changed when my partner said, “Why don’t you try meditating.”  My reaction was, I’m not doing that-- I can’t do that! I can't even sit still!  My ego didn’t want her to know the truth, so out came, “O.K.”  I could just feel myself energetically slapping my forehead thinking-- you idiot!  Now I had to do it.  I’ve always been a person of my word-- especially to myself.  I had to give it a try.

So I sat down one chilly morning in March on my little brown couch, turned on soothing music and held on to my coffee tightly (I wasn’t about to meditate without coffee--I’d probably fall asleep!). The plan was simple. I wasn’t going to get off the couch for the next hour.  I was going to force myself to sit still for an hour. I figured if I sat long enough something was bound to happen.  So I sat, and I sat, and I sat.  Day after day meditating.  Waiting, listening, and finally one day I suddenly felt my eyes burning.  Holy moly!  I opened my eyes.  What was that?  And then it was gone.  I closed my eyes again, and it was back.  This time I kept my eyes closed and let myself feel what was going on.  They felt like they were burning, like there was sand in my eyes.  Jeesh, do I have pink eye? Then I tried to figure out what had crossed my mind just prior to the burning sensation.  Sara!   And then I knew, this was not mine.  I can’t really explain how I knew so definitively that this was not my eyes burning, but my twin sister Sara’s!  This is crazy!  I started meditating to gain inner peace, and now, I’m in pain?  Is this a joke?  I put my coffee down, mustered up the courage to pick up the phone and call my sister at 8 in the morning.  This was our conversation.

Me: Sara, hi, it’s me (the one you shared the womb with).  Um, I have a weird question for you, but could you just answer it for me?

Sara: Hi, um, yeah.

Me: Are your eyes burning right now?  Like you have sand in them?

Sara: How did you know that?! I have a double pink eye infection-- one in each eye.  They are killing me.  How did you know that, I didn’t even tell mom.

Holy crap!  I started to shake, I was a little scared, but intrigued.  Was this “twin-tuition” or something else. I explained to her that she popped into my head when I was meditating and my eyes started to burn. I couldn’t offer much of an explanation.  I knew I sounded crazy.

The next day, I sat down again and started to meditate.  I got bored so I started to wonder how my dad was doing.  Ouch! What the heck was that?  All of a sudden my tooth was killing me in the back of my mouth.  I knew this was not mine either.  So I sat with the pain, trying to figure out which tooth it was in my mouth.  Once I located it, I decided to call my mom.  The conversation went similar to the one with my sister.

Me: Mom, what’s wrong with the tooth in dad’s mouth.  It’s all the way in the back, on the top, on the left side.  Does he need to go to the dentist?

Mom:  Yes, he is going today.  Last night he bit down on a walnut and cracked his tooth.  How did you know that? Wait, which tooth did you say?

Me:  The one in the back on the top, on the left side.

Mom:  You know, that is probably right.  It’s definitely on the left side and in the back on the top.  How did you know that?

Again, I really didn’t have a good explanation.  I thought, what is going on?  What is the purpose of feeling someone else’s pain so intensely? That question lingered in my mind for several months.

I continued to tune into other people’s pain during meditation only after getting their permission.  I started getting phone calls from friends and family asking me what I thought of a certain pain/problems they were experiencing.  The more I was accurate, the more I knew there must be something greater at work here than just me.  How could I possibly know these things?  Suddenly it dawned on me (I'm a little slow sometimes), if I can feel their pain and I can heal with my hands, maybe I’m supposed to combine the two and help make people feel better!  Cue the Alleluia music, angles and fairies dancing and a bright light shining between clouds that have just parted.  I had just found my purpose!

Now what do I do with that?!